You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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