she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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