i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
