My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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