miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
