I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
