so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
