Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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