Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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