there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
