Someone shit on the floor
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
