At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
