i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
