I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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