Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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