So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
