The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
