Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
