Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
