He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
