R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
