He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
