He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
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