Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
