This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
