well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
