Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
