somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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