Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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