apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
