I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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