So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
