Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
