After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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