Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
