I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
