So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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