I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Randomize
