She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
