you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
