cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
