This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
