if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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