are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
