Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
