JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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