Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
