I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
