my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We need a shit load of segways right now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
