I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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