she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
