if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
