My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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