Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my liver is dry heaving
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
