nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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