booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
