First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
