Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
