it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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