You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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