I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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